Why Karkat and John are not allowed to babysit
by NovianWitchHunter
Summary: There is a reason why John and Karkat are no longer allowed to babysit any children anymore. What is that reason? Read to find out. This is actually my very first homestuck fanfic that I have ever wrote so it's pretty cruddy. Sorry not sorry.


Okay, so I had written half of this during technology class a few months ago but never finished it. I saw it in my drive after finishing a chapter of "Sburb Delta" and was like, " eh, why the fuck not?" and finished it. So Like hell i own homestuck, and the stories karkat reads was something funny I saw on Youtube called "KARKAT IS NOT KID FRIENDLY" by KARKAT VANTAS or case. You should watch it if you liked this story, now read!

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John couldn't believe what he was seeing; baby trolls. Baby trolls everywhere! One that looked strangely like karkat was nibbling at his ankles and one that looked like that ghost-obsessed girl was rubbing her head on the leg. They only had heads, their bodies looked like bugs, er grubs.

"Hey stop that!" he cried as he ran over to the Vriska grub to stop her from ponding on the Tavros grub. The Gamzee grub stop hugging the faygo bottle and started hissing at Vriska but she just hissed back. John quickly pulled her away and put her over to the Terezi grub. He glanced at Tavros only to see Gamzee rubbing his head against the crying taurus. The heir sighed in relief only to had a Sollux grub floating right into his face. He then moved to his hair and started snuggling and purring in his hair.

He heard tiny whining coming from his foot and he looked down to a sad Nepeta grub. she kept on jumping and clawing on his leg, trying to tell his something. He sighed and picked her up and put her on his shoulder. She squeaked with joy and rubbed her head against john's cheek. He looked around the room to look for the other grubs and saw the Eridan grub and Feferi grub sleeping next to each other while the Equius grub stand guard. Aww cute.

John counted up the grubs on his finger and realized something; one grub was missing. H felt a deep dread; the grub missing was Kanaya, Rose's girlfriend. Oh god, Rose is gonna kill him if he doesn't find her! he looked around only to see her in a corner of the room, licking away some dust from karkat's check. He sighed in deep relief for the second time that day. Oh if this is hard then he can only imagine how Karkat is doing.

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Karkat is not doing so good. Not good at all. instead of one set of human grubs, he got another from this new universe. Eight gogdamn human grubs are just in front of him, looking at him, waiting. He said that if the would stop running around like climbbeasts then he would tell them a story. "uh" he said "okay well its fu-freaking story time, you little nooksuckers. Um this is something I wrote uh 5 minutes ago. Is everyone here?" He glanced around to see all the stupid humans were sitting in front of him.

John and the humans, Jake and Roxy, were looking at him like he was a superhero or some shit; Rose and the other blue-eyed human, Jane, were patiently waiting for him to start; Jade looked like she was about to fall asleep but was nudged awake by Rose, and the shade wearing poser and his shade wearing brother were just looking with stoic stare. Once an asshole always an ashsole. "Okay let's start", he coughed. "'Everyone is different' by KARKAT VANTAS. 'Everyone is different. No two people are the same. Some people are about to be run over. Tavros has about 5 seconds." He showed them a picture of Tavros in his wheelchair with a truck behind him. He flipped the page"Some people are very tall and merciless. Gamzee is destroying Sgrub." He showed a picture of Gamzee with burning buildings behind him and fighter jets. He flipped the page again. "Some people are blind. Terezi looks like a dude." He now showed a picture of Terezi with a picture in her hand of a scalemate. He flipped the page."Some people are very into beastiality. Equius mounts horses in more ways than one." He showed a picture of what looks like Equius humping a horse. Flip. "Some people wear dresses. Kanaya is a fucking pimp" The new picture was of Kanaya with a large hat and big chains coming down her neck. Behind her, was Vriska and Rose, both in bikini's. Flip. " Some people has rigd their friend's computer with explosive. Sollux has." This picture showed Sollux with his hand on a pump of TNT and a cord leading toward a troll hive. A speech bubble showed the words "COCK KING" with arrows pointing towards him and a stick figure kicking his head, Flip. "Some people have needs serious help." The picture showed Aradia on a jump rope with the speech bubble that said " I DESTROY ARCHITECTURE FOR FUN!" Flip."Some people are being fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster. Feferi's legs are being digested." The picture showed Feferi with the smile on her face draw over with a frown and a monster with tentacles coming out from the bottom of the page and is eating her legs, with the bones snapping. Flip. "Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire.' Aww" The final picture was of everyone but with gray flames on all of their bodies .

Karkat looked up to the kids eye's. They were all just staring at him. they didn't like that one, huh? Karkat looked around and saw another book. He got up and picked it up, looking at it. The title said, " The very hungry caterpillar" and showed a poorly drawn colorful caterpillar. Hmm this might entertain their puny minds, since they weren't capable of enjoying that masterpiece that was just read to their ungrateful little selves. Karkat grabbed a pen and started to write a bit on the , Vantas, gotta make this shit seem impressive to calm their puny little minds. Karkat whipped around and held up the book, pointing at the bug. " Holy shit. It's the very hungry caterpillar you little nookstains!" He brought the book closer to their faces so that they could see the writing that he had done. it said, "FUCKING STARVING ASS BITCH By Eric Carle" Karkat shoved the book even closer to their face's. " Just look at how hungry this fucker is. On Monday, he ate through an apple, but he was still hungry. On Tuesday, he through two pears, but he was still hungry. On Wednesday, he ate through THREE PLUMS **,** but he was still fucking hungry. On Thursday, he ate through  four goddamn strawberries. **FOUR.** But fuck me- that little bulgelick was still fucking HUNGRY! On Friday, he ate through  five oranges. SKINS AND ALL." Karkat pulled the book away towards his chest. "FIVE, you little shits!" he yelled. He then thrust the book back to their little faces. "But his bottomless chasm of an invertebrate's stomach still demands MORE FOOD" Karkat looked at the kids and growled, "Holy shit balls. He is an unstoppable machine" Karkat looked at the kids and waited. For what, anything. Just any type of reaction from their little mouths.

Soon, he got his response but it wasn't something he intended. Little Jade just stared at him and said "fuck", while all the other kids looked at her and began saying different swears.

Karkat stared at all the kids and realized what he had done.

"ah shit…"

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I regret nothing. Witch of Blood, out!


End file.
